Are we really in control?

Have you ever thought about whether the way you are living is in your control? Are you working at a job you really want to be working at or going to school studying what you want to study? Sometimes I think about all the things that contributed to me getting where I am now and it is amazing how puzzle pieces just seem to fit together. I of course could never have seen that any of the chaos that went on was for a reason while it was going on. But, when I look back on it, I am glad that I didn’t give up and that I keep on moving no matter how disheartening it was. I have always felt, however, that even if it is only in a very small amount, I am in control of my life. Perhaps though, not everyone feels the same way that I do.

For instance, the character of Jasmine, in the book Jasmine by Bharati Mukherjee, seems to be trying to escape something. She doesn’t actively or physically run from her problems or her fears but at the same time, you just know that there is something in her past that is always haunting her.

Perhaps, this fear of the inevitable stems from far back in her childhood when she received a foretelling of her future by an astrologist. She did not believe that the astrologist knew what he was talking about and even told him, “No! You are a crazy old man. You don’t know what my future holds!” But now, later on in life, maybe she has seen more and more correlation with what her life has been like and what he foretold in the beginning. We are told in the novel that he foretells her “widowhood and exile”, and since she was only seven years old when she heard this, it is no doubt that she did not believe him. However, since we know that Jasmine has come to the United States, perhaps she was exiled indeed from her home country. There is a time though, as a little girl, Jasmine expresses the desire to become a doctor. She completely shocks her father by declaring it, but she is very sure of what she wants.

She is very brave as well, and seems to have a “bring it on” kind of attitude as a child in Punjabi and even battles a rabid dog and wins with only the use of a staff. She knew she was not ready to die that day and wanted bigger things than she had. As an adult, however, it seems like she has lost a certain amount of that audacity that she once had. She has made it to the United States, no doubt for an education among other things, but why is she in a small town in Iowa? We are told that she first was in New York but then for some reason chose to leave. She is living with a man who is more than twice her age and is pregnant with his child. What happened to the girl who wanted to be a doctor? It seems like she has changed from someone who is in control of her life, to someone who has no control at all. Perhaps she no longer feels that she can control her fate, but what made her doubt?

I believe that deep down she still wants those same things she did as a little girl but has little by little lost the path she is supposed to take to get there. She seems to be controlled by anything and everything other than herself, and is being lead passively wherever life takes her. Perhaps soon she will find out a way to pursue her dreams but for now it seems like she is stuck. Can she just forget about her once pursued dreams? No, I don’t believe that she can or that she will, but only time will tell.